This week a man and a woman committed suicide. There are more than that-scan your newspaper- but two in particular we’ve heard a lot about. And note its a man and a woman, both successful, both had spouses at some point in life, both had children. We slowly hear details about their private life as time goes on-they were internally suffering, they feared public perception if word got out regarding their illness, they felt they had no where to turn. I read an interesting perspective on the publicizing of various illnesses- we hear when someone has cancer, we hear when someone is suffering from Parkinson’s, but we don’t typically hear when someone is suffering from Depression or Anxiety. Perhaps this is because the aforementioned diseases come with outward changes-if the individual suffering from cancer decides to undergo some form of therapy, medication side effects typically result in outward changes such as hair loss. Those with Parkinson’s will display noticeable changes in gait and body movement as the disease progresses. And those suffering feel obligated to provide the explanation to this change. But with Depression and Anxiety, the disease is internal and quiet and can go unnoticed because it doesn’t come with outward changes. And we as a society have developed stigmas and labels for those with mental health illnesses. But, in order to promote coping and successfully living with these diseases, we must promote a level of comfort with addressing the disease in a matter of fact way.
Not that I’m an expert by any means, but I value that this week the Suicide Hotline and other resources have been shared abundantly. Its up to everyone-not just those who need to utilize the services- to know where to turn. Because when we say “I’m there for you”, we need to have the balls to say “Hey, it sounds like what you need is a someone who is trained and knows all the resources and tactics to help you.” And when we say this, we aren’t being sarcastic or demeaning. We aren’t saying “I don’t offer the type of help you need, bye”. What we are saying is, “I value you and love you and want you on this earth because you have so much to offer and there are skilled individuals who made it their passion to assure you stay here and I want you to see them.” Then you help them, hell if you need to make the call for them do it, and get them help. Then make sure they, the person, feels supported and helped.
You don’t coddle them. This isn’t a scrape on the knee boo boo that you lowkey inevitably make them feel shamed or small about. You remain matter of fact. Because those suffering from depression or anxiety aren’t dumb. They aren’t oblivious. They know some weird shit is happening inside of them and they don’t want to be in this state, and definitely can’t control it on their own. And its up to the rest of us to help them get there, and to get the help to help them get there. If its a younger child or teen suffering, you also don’t coddle them. They are also smart and also are aware whats going on is not normal. You also treat it matter of factly because think about it-they are going through some major shit and are addressing it, which takes courage. So we don’t bring that down, we support them to address it head on.
In retrospect, I’ve definitely been anxious since approximately age 9. I just didn’t have a name for it until 23 when my new PCP was like “oh it says you have a history of anxiety.” And I was like DO I? Clearly my prior PCP was onto something. And after giving it some thought, it was so liberating to have a correct NAME for what all this confusion was. The fact that I was ANXIOUS about stuff that I had literally no reason to be anxious about it. Or my heart would race. Or I would think I was going to fail. Or self sabotage ensued. You name it, shit happened. Which some of this isn’t solely derived from anxiety, but anxiety amplifies it to the Nth degree. Then one day I spoke up and was like “You know, its been EXTRA rough recently.” Granted I was kind of fishing for a referral to a therapist (which I did a LOT of talking therapy through school, its SOOOO therapeutic like guys, its literally someone who won’t get offended or become passive agressive, you can speak YOUR TRUTH, and its all about YOU and what YOU want and YOUR goals. WHO CAN RESIST?!) but what I got was a prescription for Lexapro(escitalopram), a Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitor aka SSRI, a medication class used for both depression and anxiety (Celexa and Prozac . Which again, when I am consistent and compliant with my therapy (not as easy as it sounds, so now I can definitely empathize with my patients), my thoughts are a little easier to sift through, they aren’t as amplified, and I feel like I can better rationalize decisions which leads to addressing them sooner/slightly less procrastination. Again, there’s definitely a lot of other factors contributing to some of these things (#selfworth), but I do notice success. SO PLEAASE do not fear medication or talking therapy. I know medication side effects suck, but believing this will help CAN HELP. I had a dry mouth and headache for a few days, I watched some movies and drank a lot of water, and eventually the effects dissipated and I drank more water. Also, starting medication or talking therapy doesn’t mean you are committed for life. But if they help you, then stick with it, even if it is quietly but proudly.
Not to say my case is anywhere near those teetering on the edge of ending it all. But sometimes the fact someone is willing to really hear you out, to ADDRESS THE ISSUE and UNDERSTAND THE BLACK HOLE, is the first step to ‘feeling better.’
I think what’s hard about being the person with anxiety/depression is you literally feel like you’re going to offend everyone with what you feel, so you keep it inside. And because everyone’s human, its hard to control gut reactions. But thats why there are services out there-kind of like third parties who are literally there for this. And I get it, insurance sucks so sometimes its legitimately scary to think omg another thing I have to pay for. But these services are available and should be sought out and when its literally your life or someone else’s you make it work because you deserve it.
Its scary AF and its another damn paradigm we need to change, but everyone’s life depends on it-because you never know who will need the support next.
Help Someone:
911- They’re there.
Crisis Text Line–>Crisis Counselors available 24/7 (Like night/day/afternoon or anytime!!!!) Text TALK 741741 to be connected to be a counselor
Mental Health.Gov–> https://www.mentalhealth.gov Has resources for now, for various demographics, for everyone.
https://www.nbcnews.com/better/health/mental-health-services-how-get-treatment-if-you-can-t-ncna875176 Afford, shmaford. This is LIFE we are talking about. Get Help.
SpinsterSass 
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