If there is a way to get massages covered please LMK.

I got a massage and there was a crescendo in the experience. Sexual, I know. But I promise you the releasing of toxins from my ridiculously tense body lead to some clarity, peace, and content that I hadn’t found in a while. For YEARS I have said OUT LOUD “I need a massage.” But did I get one? No. Why? I think I thought I was too young, they were too lavish, and I didn’t need one.

#wrong.

Thanks to starting a new job where I am STANDING ON MY FEET MOSTLY IN ONE SPOT for HOURS ON END, then driving in a car, sleeping, repeat, my body is now familiar with tender feet, charlie horses, and a ball of anxiety manifesting tense knots in the middle of my back. I also for sure clench my jaw a ton.  But, as the massage started, I learned there was even more in places I was only partially aware of. Sounds like I need to jump back into consistently using the  Headspace app for the daily check ins via body scans and breathing. Some people say they don’t like sitting in one space and focusing on the breath-I can’t get enough of it. Its hypnotizing and effective in the best way. Recently I’ve begun to wonder if my body is SO USED to tensing up-to being stiff-that it simply does it out of fear of why it may not be. My physical reaction is literally there’s nothing wrong? there must be SOMETHING WRONG lets tense up until we figure out what it is. Then my brain is like you are tense something must be wrong lets go through EVERY DAMN SCENARIO until we find no less than 28 things that could potentially be wrong which is why you are tense-oh and # 29, lets make it EXTRA because it doesn’t seem that you’re tense enough as is.

This has lead to me feeling physically weak and even driving has felt like a force. NO nothing ‘bad’ has happened but this unsynchronization of mind body soul is getting old. So cut to when a dear friend and mentor said you should get a massage and I was past the bursting point so I went for it. I got a 60 minute full body massage which was truly just a taste and definitely a start of a love of massages. It wasn’t long enough and I think it only partially loosened me up. Sure I felt good and I DEFINITELY was ridding myself of toxins, but I immediately was counting down the days until I could get my next. (‘Could’ being something I set up for myself-one can really never get too many. ) I waited about a month and got a 90 minute. GAME. FREAKING. CHANGER.

Even the massage therapist I had for the 90 minute said its a better experience for both masseuse/therapist and client because more time can be sent on the details-on really find the knots and crevices and loosening them into oblivion. The particular therapist I had this time around was a MAJOR lover of all things Chinese Medicine. She was knowledgeable, offered sound advice to alleviate all my ailments, and asked me if she could utilize a CUPPING method on me. SOMETHING TRENDY AND WILL BE BENEFICIAL TO MY BODY? Don’t need to ask me twice, I was in!

So for the next 90 minutes I had a body loosening, mind clearing symphony. I thought about breathing. I prayed. I thanked God that I was able to experience this, that I had someone to encourage me to do so. I thanked Him that it was beneficial and I was able to alleviate both physical pain and emotional pain that was trapped as a result of the clenching and hunching. I think I recited but at least was abstractedly aware of affirmations about my strength and capabilities. I knew I would have a better sense of self and awareness at work-I would make things happen. I was hopeful. I was internally laughing and crying as forms of release. Massages are a magical experience. I also definitely wondered if I could get a Prior Authorization for insurance coverage for x number of massage visits (a little pharmacy humor for all my pharmasasses 😉

Cupping wasn’t quite was what I expected-but I see the benefit and therefore would do it again. I didn’t bruise on my back like you’ve probably seen on instagram, but instead she took a ‘cup’ which really is a suction cup that ‘lifts’ (read:slightly pinches) your skin, but as its moved across your body, the therapist is able to identify points of tension that she may not have been able to identify simply by using her hands.She then is able to focus her efforts on these areas to best relieve anything that may be trapped. Hence why a 90 minute massage gives you the TOTAL experience.

There are lasting effects from having the 90 minute massage. I immediately felt I was able to move better and climb stairs with more agility. (FUll disclosure: i am living a very sedentary life style at the moment. Not ideal by any means, but i was like ooh this is gewwwwd). I have been working on being more flexible through stretching, and  I do try to create environments where I can focus my mind on remaining clear and at ease. I take frequent baths and have been using Epsom salt at the recommendation of my therapist. I diffuse my Arbonne essential oils to provide me with another channel to remain grounded. In other words, keep all senses active. Taking real time for myself has become a priority. I need it for survival.

During the massage I also thought about the blog, my goals, my growth, myself. My. Self. Me. I embraced the experience and look forward to finding more moments to elongate that crescendo to maintain consonance.